Attack of the Vapours

Posted 19th March 2018 by Dave Cross
In an increasingly polarised vaping field, facts are becoming casualties as opponents to vaping rely more on fiction in order to influence others. John Conway is an assistant principal at Jamestown High School. He claims he suffered from the symptoms of nicotine poisoning after touching a juice bottle.

As part of a clampdown on vaping within the Jamestown High School, a caretaker stumbled across a sweet-smelling boy’s bathroom. Quickly putting 2 and 2 together, he informed the school administration of the emergency and John Conway leapt into action.

Conway spotted two lads exchanging a Juul device outside the bathroom. The students were summoned to Conway’s office where he interviewed them, made them removed their shoes and searched their bags.

He discovered a Juul inside the shoe of one student and a bottle of juice in a backpack.

Conway said of his bust: “It was a large bottle in a colourful packaging. There was an oily substance on the outside of the bottle.” Being a brave man, he tightened the cap of the bottle without needing to call in support. Not for a second did the assistant principal think that he was putting himself in the path of a train heading for death.

Just minutes later, the schoolman felt dizzy and sick, then he felt “real emotional. It was freaky, like I had no control.” Clearly something serious was afoot. What should Conway do? Phone for a paramedic? Get medevac’d on a helicopter? Get a child to piggyback him to casualty?

It was getting critical: “I kept going through different stages. I’d be nauseous, then there would be different kinds of spins. It was a weird feeling.” There was nothing else for it – Conway went to see the school nurse. “I still didn’t feel well. I finally felt better after about 12 hours.”

He went home, had an afternoon kip and woke with a blinding headache – similar to what would happen if someone were incredibly drunk at work and unable to continue his or her duties.

At the insistence of someone else in the school, who was probably as incredulous as vapers will be when they read this, the bottle was sent off for testing. The bottle returned with a negative result for illegal drugs or other foreign agents.

Conway has used his near miss with the Grim Reaper as a teaching point for the whole school. Hyping up the fear, he added: “Last week we had a meeting with the teachers and warned them not to touch the stuff. Teachers and adults need to be more vigilant.”


Planet of the Vapes reached out to John Conway over the weekend. He is yet to respond to the following questions:

  • Do you believe that minute quantities of low-volume nicotine, flavoured eliquid triggered this episode, following a brief contact with your skin?
  • Have you previously suffered from seizures?
  • Are you currently experiencing high levels of stress?

While POTV is not disputing that Conway suffered ‘an episode’ at work, it is scientifically impossible for it to have been linked to the bottle of eliquid.

Eliquid does pose a danger to animals and children. It is important that care is taken with eliquid bottles, keeping them out of reach and stored in sealed containers. If someone gets juice on their hands it is recommended that they simply rinse the area in a sink.

 Dave Cross
Article by Dave Cross
Freelance writer, physicist, karateka, motorbikes, and dog walker
JSB Vape