Protect and Duck and Cover and Survive

Posted 5th November 2018 by Dave Cross
The Food and Drug Administration and the Campaign for Tobacco-free Kids have jointly, apparently, produced an instructional booklet. It’s an attack on vaping that is a laughable attempt to fuse 50’s nostalgia with engendering a 70’s-style fear of an apocalypse. Look at its pages and marvel at the audacity of an organisation bent on lying to everybody.

Like all reputable news providers, we refuse to name the source that leaked us this draft copy. All we can say is his name rhymes with Bimon Fapewell, and that he has been working deep undercover in the tobacco control fraternity. He has had to go above and beyond in portraying himself as stupid – in order to remain beyond question from his peers – and we salute his efforts.

The booklet covers a number of topics, all dealt with in typical anti-vape fashion. Worse, it has uncovered some of our deep secrets (like that we all get paid by tobacco companies). Somehow they have unearthed the original Juul Labs launch adverts too; they’ve stood the test of time well and really ought to be used again.

We believe it’s important to carry the booklet in full, in the public interest. You may wish to share the images on social media in order to shame the FDA into withdrawing plans to print and distribute it.



 Dave Cross
Article by Dave Cross
Freelance writer, salad destroyer and live culture convert.