Thou Shalt Not Vape
God hates ecigs too – according to the Ecumenical News.
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by Dave Cross
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According to the deity’s media outlet: “E-cigarettes are proving to have the same effects as smoking tobacco.” They go on to say in the second paragraph that “the jury’s still out”, but the recess for deliberation was over pretty swiftly. “Despite the lack of research ... studies have shown that the effects of e-cigarettes might be more harmful than helpful,” they add by the third.
It is clear from the hosted advertising on the page that the Ecumenical News is concerned its religious readership stays healthy in order to afford the range of fancy cars they review, indulge in fantastic money-making schemes, use tips and tricks to power women into the bedroom and perfect idealised body shapes. It needs to be noted this isn’t based on the author’s recent search history although a new car would be nice.
So concerned are the editorial team that they need to make you aware that “the chemicals used in making e-cig liquids are actually carcinogenic”. The cherry-picked information highlights: “several leading brands of e-cigs carried toxic, cancer-causing chemicals, including ingredients used in antifreeze and formaldehyde.”
And of course no bias, baseless scare story would be complete without reference to children, flavours and (a new one) colour. “The liquid nicotine used in e-cigs is sold in a wide range of flavours. The attractive smell and colours make it appealing to children who might end up drinking it. To make matters worse, liquid nicotine doesn't come with childproof caps.” They didn’t point out how Adam might have been tempted by Eve with an Evod full of Apple Pie eliquid. We can only imagine how Genesis would have turned out had there been young people present and one of the colourful juicy apples, clearly designed to encourage children to eat them, had fallen from the tree on an infant’s head.
“Like real cigarettes, second-hand smoke coming from e-cigs also contains carcinogenic substances like benzene and nitrosamines. Liquid nicotine poses danger to children.”
Nanoparticles get a mention, but unfortunately they ignore the evidence illustrating that vaping helps not hinders people with asthma, improves lung function and decreases risks associated with heart disease. That’s what happens when selectively taking from texts; you’d have though ecumenical folks would have already understood this.
With all pretence of balance, fairness or trustworthiness now well and truly out of the stain-glass window, they conclude: “the scariest thing about e-cigarettes is that it is just as addictive as tobacco, which is why people are vaping almost the same amount that they would usually smoke. Plus, the e-cigarette industry is not regulated, vapourisers or liquid nicotine don't carry any warning labels and are accessible to anyone of any age. Recent reports have pegged that more teenagers in several American cities are now using vapourisers.”
That jury is going to have a mighty difficult job of finding a conclusion with all of this evidence. Hopefully, when they return, they will also consider banning apple orchards.
Dave Cross
Journalist at POTVDave is a freelance writer; with articles on music, motorbikes, football, pop-science, vaping and tobacco harm reduction in Sounds, Melody Maker, UBG, AWoL, Bike, When Saturday Comes, Vape News Magazine, and syndicated across the Johnston Press group. He was published in an anthology of “Greatest Football Writing”, but still believes this was a mistake. Dave contributes sketches to comedy shows and used to co-host a radio sketch show. He’s worked with numerous vape companies to develop content for their websites.
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