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Bit of humour to brighten the day

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ianleeds, May 22, 2017.

  1. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
     
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  2. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Doctor, doctor, my husband was
    admitted into hospital for
    involuntary buttock spasms.
    Where is he?

    ICU, baby. Shakin' that ass.
     
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  3. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    I said to this train driver ”I want to go to Paris”. He said ”Eurostar?” I said, ”I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin”.
     
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  4. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Q: What do you call a North
    Korean assassin?

    A: Kim Ree-Per.
     
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  5. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    Doctor, I can’t stop singing the "Green Green Grass of Home". He said, "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome". "Is it common?" I asked. "It’s not unusual" he replied.
     
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  6. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Two things happened today:
    One, I discovered I can fit 4 ring
    doughnuts around my erect penis.
    And two, I'm banned from Greggs.
     
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  7. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything, trying to pack myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
     
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  8. Kaktai

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    Q: How do you get two whales
    in a car?

    A: Drive west from Bristol.
     
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  9. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    Psychiatrist to patient "Don't worry. You're not deluded. You only think you are."
     
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  10. gary68

    gary68 Veteran

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    Q: If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the bird of "true love"?










    A: The swallow.
     
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