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Bit of humour to brighten the day

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ianleeds, May 22, 2017.

  1. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    I used to date a girl with severe
    eczema. She had cracking tits
     
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  2. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    My wife and I laugh about how
    competitive we are.

    Although I laugh slightly louder.
     
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  3. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Had to take my cat to the vet
    the other day.

    Turned out he'd had a massive
    stroke.
     
  4. Ment

    Ment Legend

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    A guy is in a brothel and sees a price list on the wall:

    Full sex £100
    Blow job £50
    Masturbation £25
    Sandwiches £5
    Tea/coffee £2

    He asks the girl "Do you do masturbation?"

    She replies "Yes".

    He says "Well wash your hands and get me a cheese sandwich".
     
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  5. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Q/ What's the difference between
    a chickpea and a lentil?
    A/ No-one has ever paid to have
    a lentil on their face...
     
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  6. crunchynut

    crunchynut Achiever

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    What goes 90 mph down a river bed ?????







    A motorpike and sidecarp
     
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  7. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games. The manager couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
     
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  8. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    I've just accidentally swallowed
    some scrabble tiles.

    My next shit could spell disaster.
     
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  9. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    Man goes to see his doctor 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'
     
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  10. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    My friend can only sleep
    on stacks of magazines.

    He's got back issues.
     
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