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Bit of humour to brighten the day

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ianleeds, May 22, 2017.

  1. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    I've just been asked what ringtone
    I have. I said "I've never really
    looked, but probably light brown".
     
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  2. city461

    city461 Legend

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    Went out with a girl once that owned a parrot. Fucking thing never shut up.
    Parrot was pretty cool though.
     
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  3. cptfrederickson

    cptfrederickson Postman

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    Did I tell you about my magic tractor? It went down the lane and turned into a field.
     
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  4. gary68

    gary68 Veteran

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    What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?

    Well the flag is a big plus.
     
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  5. Flipside

    Flipside Postman

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    Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

    For fingering a minor.
     
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  6. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    My cardboard girlfriend fell
    apart when I ejaculated all
    over her.

    I don't think she was cut
    out for that kind of thing.
     
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  7. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    I recently bought some shoes from
    a drug dealer. I'm not sure what
    he's laced them with but I've
    been tripping all day.
     
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  8. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the fucking potatoes!"
     
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  9. Kaktai

    Kaktai Achiever

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    Q/ What's the best cheese to hide
    a horse with?
    A/ Mascarpone
     
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  10. Kwisatz Haderach

    Kwisatz Haderach Achiever

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    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
     
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